Looking With A (Gleam In My) Dancer's Eye

February blog carnival topic

Whenever my mom and I go clothes shopping together (which is not enough) we always make sure to point out any sequined, beaded, embellished clothing as "Nana Clothes". My grandmother loved such items; all of those decorated holiday sweaters, dress up sparkly tops and glittered shoes for going out (I wore a pair of her 1960s dancing slippers in high school).

My mom dresses more in earth tones, and it seemed for a while that perhaps this eye for the the shiny had skipped me too. I started dressing in (almost) all black starting in middle school. This followed a brief neo-hippie phase, until I figured out I hated the music, and though I loved the clothing I didn't like identifying myself as a part of that crowd. Basic black became the standard instead, more in the teen angst version than any attempt at being chic or sophisticated.

20 years later black still dominates in my wardrobe, though there has been brief forays into color. I'll wear blue jeans now. I own some red Danskos and boots. Purple, ironic shades of pink, and deep jewel tones will make an occasional appearance. But I think all the years of monochromatic dressing left me with some kind of inherent inability to color coordinate. Okay, there was the entirely chartreuse green outfit: dress, tights and matching underwear set, accented by my hair (dyed with one side a matching green, one side magenta) and a pair of thrift scored, Italian made, raspberry suede, low winkle picker boots. But other than that it's been mostly black, black, black . . . and striped socks.

Then came the dance classes, and my subsequent browsing on belly dance websites and discussion forums. Suddenly my world was a kaleidoscope! Sure, I may prefer to dance tribal, and my natural inclination is to the bright primary and deep earth tones found in many of the ATS costumes, but really I'm not picky. I love everything from the pastel of layered chiffon circle skirts to the deep tones of a velvet beledi dresses. Screaming pink Egyptian style lycra costume? Sure! Dusty browns of a minimalist tribal fusion outfit? Yep! The occasional foray into a dramatic white bedlah, the antithesis of my all-black days? Love it! Sure, I don't WEAR all of these, but I love cruising costume vendors and dancer's galleries, gobbling up the bright costume confections.

What really grabs my eyes though is the shine, the sparkle. Shisha mirrors on a tribal belt, glittering fringe dripping from a bra, sequins edging a veil; they all elicit a low, "Oooo, shiny, pretty" from me. When watching a dancer I tend to focus in and out, from costume to dancing, following a snaky arm up to a sequined bra to shoulder shimmies down an undulation to the belt and fringe accentuating a hip figure eight. I sit back and take in the entire package of dancer and outfit and music, then focus in on tricky technique, clearly expressed emotion or a particularly stunning piece of costuming. When I see a vendor's table of bedlah or rack of dresses I head over to check them out, drinking in the piles of coins, sequins and beads. Sure, I tend to tassels and pantaloons and coin bras for my performance gear, but I am a sucker for the glitter.

It took me about a year into my dance classes to realize that belly dance indulges my eye for "Nana Clothes". Perhaps there is some deep seated happy association that links fond memories of my grandmother and her sparkly clothes to the pleasure I get from watching (and being) a glittering, shining performer. Or perhaps the love-of-the-sparkly gene didn't pass me by, it was waiting for just the right catalyst to turn it on. Dancing is a hell of a lot of fun, but to quote Baltimore performance group Fluid Movement, glitter makes it better.

Performance Blues

When I started dance classes I never intended to perform. When my classes began I'd already been doing fire dancing for almost a year; some of that involved performing in very low key situations. The last time I'd stood up in front of a bunch of people was in high school during my theatre geek days. I didn't think that as an adult I'd be performing on a regular basis, though.

Belly dance has a tendency to take you down the road of performance. First it's dancing for your classmates, perhaps in an end of class session "show". Then it's on to informal haflas, where you cobble together an outfit and get up in front of friends and family. Many more haflas, studio shows, and other informal events follow. Then suddenly it's gala shows (the ones that happen during a workshop weekend, are yearly events sponsored by local teachers, or something of the sort). Dancing at fundraisers, or showcase nights at local venues. Before you know it you're involved in the whole, "What should I/we set as a pay rate" debate and BAM . . . you're performing.

Now note, not all dancers do this. A lot of people never get on stage or stop with the the informal performances. They don't want to get on a big stage or commit the time to performing or deal with the stress, and that is great! I think it is awesome to do something because you love it for yourself.

I'm one of those people, though, who likes to have something pushing me forward, and beyond my own perfectionist streak I've found that the deadline of an upcoming performance works rather well. What I've also found is that the looming deadline pushes my stress level up to new heights.

Sometimes that can stress can be good. In November I danced at the DCTribal sponsored Tribal:PURA show with my troupe mates Brooke and Nora. We had two weeks to pick music, brush up the new moves we'd been working on, and get costumes together. It was two weeks of intense rehearsals, evenings in my living room going over and over the music, and last minute sewing. We were practically delirious on the ride to the venue, nervous as hell through the run through, nauseous while waiting our turn backstage. There were minor flubs on stage, but it went over well, we got a great response and we felt good about what we'd done. The show left us is on a high (thank goodness, as it was the start to a long weekend of workshops).

This past weekend the same trio danced at a local hafla. Again there was the rushed lead up, though intentionally more relaxed this time. There was nervousness before the show (even worse in a way because we were the last to perform). Despite minor problems (such as my belt getting up close and personal with Brooke's belt, locking us together until I spun around and released us) it went well. Afterwards, though, I crashed. Like literally as SOON as we stopped dancing I felt like I could have laid down on the floor and slept for a million years. It was like the pre-show stress and recent troupe goings on had all crashed down on my head and left me completely drained. We left, I schlumped home with my SO, peeled off the layers of my costume and swapped them for my pajamas, and spent the evening staring at the computer.

When dancing leaves me energized it is fantastic. When it leaves me drained it is awful. I have to learn that all of my dance experiences will not be great ones, that I can't beat myself up over it and I have to keep moving forward. I can't let the bad times sour my opinion, because performing can be great and I know I'm going to do it again - an invitation to dance will pop up, we'll all decide to go for it, and the cycle begins again. I just have to hold onto all of the good times and remember that the tough ones are the situations that usually lead to a period of change, growth and progression. I have to keep reaching for the next goal, raising the bar for myself and finding out what I am really capable of achieving.

Thinking is not doing, though it's a step on the path

Lately I've been thinking about writing here, without really getting anything down. I have one paragraph of a post about zills; I was interrupted while writing and now I can't remember what I wanted to day. It seems that all my good ideas hit me while I'm at work, and once I make it home the will to blog is gone.

On a productive note, I've been cleaning up my office/sewing room and laying out the projects I have to complete. In the wings:
backing the cool tasseled material and turning it into a hip adornment, finishing the yoked pantaloons, taking the Rajasthani choli to the fabric store and picking out material to use for alterations, buy a bra to use as a base to start playing around with new top ideas.

On an unproductive note, I have absolutely no desire to do all the things I need to do to prep for a show this weekend (adjust belt and sew on some mirrors, figure out how I want to do my hair/make up, figure out what to wear and make sure it's not balled up in the floor of my closet). Lately the siren song of new library books, DVDs and napping in our ugly orange chair has been hard to ignore.

Guilty pleasure

So, my belly dance background and taste is with ATS/group tribal improv. But sometimes I like to check out the Dahlal catalog*. I like to ask myself, "If I was a non-tribal belly dancer with lots of cash, which costume would I buy?" Actually, I already know the answer to that, I'd get one of the coin sets. Shiny.

*I like some of the practice wear too, so perhaps I'll spend some money with them in a more modest way.

Dance Crush: Zafira

I admit I have a few dance crushes, on troupes or particular dancers with whom I've fallen in love. My most recent crush is on Zafira Dance Company from Pittsburgh, PA. I met and took classes from Maria and Olivia at Triboriginal Dance Camp this past fall. They are fabulous teachers, giving tons of information and teaching with a great combination of strictness and humour. Plus the setting of the camp gave the opportunity to grill bug ask them questions after class/at meals/ while wandering around the grounds. I learned a lot and was completely inspired (note - I also took many other awesome workshops at camp, I recommend it highly!).

Last night I watched Zafira's video "Caravan Serai", a 50 minute performance which presents dancing through four vignettes: The Cafe, The Sacred, The Home, The Muse (I think I got those all right). Something I love about their style is the precision, especially the excellent timing when all four dancers are working together. I was less moved at some points (not into the Balinese-esque parts, natural tendency to get bored of sword work no matter how well done, but that's just me). The best thing about them? The energy they produce, and the fact that though they are dancing with choreographies you can tell that they are also dancing together. They look at each other, smile and interact and show you that they working together to produce this beautiful dancing. I loved it!

Zafira has produced a new video which should be available soon, and I cannot wait to get it. I plan on showing it to anyone who might be even slightly interested.

How I started dancing

Everyone tells this story I think, the "How I came to bellydance" saga. Sometimes it is after a lifetime of other dance practice. Sometimes it is inherited, picked up during childhood through a mother or sister or family friend. Sometimes it doesn't come until later, a college class, a chance restaurant encounter, a Parks and Rec. class.

My friend A started dancing raqs sharqi *thinks* 6 years ago? I'd say, at least 6 years. She encouraged me to look into middle eastern/bellydance (ME/BD) classes, but since I was trying to finish up college/totally burnt out on classes and working full time, I just really didn't have it in me to pick up a regular class for fun. Though I loved dancing for fun, it all took place at clubs or parties. Note; yes, there is a part of me that keeps saying "If I had started when she first told me about it, I'd be x-number of years further along my dance education".

Then, in 2002, friends of mine convinced me to attend the Fairie Festival at Spoutwood Farm. I wasn't convinced until I got there that this would be a good thing, it sounded a little too twee for my taste. But not only was I enchanted by the festival, but I also got a chance to see Fleur and Geela dancing American Tribal Style belly dance (with live music) as the (then) current incarnation of Philadelphia Tribal Bellydance. There are no pictures of that performance on the site, but you can see them again in 2003. I was particularly enamored of Geela's dancing, and also of the communication that was occurring between the dancers. I didn't know what ATS was, that this was improv, what defined their dance style, any of it. All I knew was I liked what I saw, and I wanted a chance to dance like that.

Now, a side note. I have always been a terribly shy and private person, one who prefers to take the safe route than to embarrass myself in front of people (even ones I love and trust). The same year I was lured to the Fairie Festival I also met ding0 (my SO), who has no problem jumping into new activities, giving things a shot, trying something new, and being a spectacle. Thankfully, some of this has worn off on me. It really involves a large dose of, "Honestly, if people don't like it they can just f@!k off" combined with a bit of "I'm tired of living my life constantly worried about what other people think" and a whole lot of "I need to get the hell over myself." It's been liberating.

Anyway, in 2002 there were no ATS classes in Baltimore. Hell, I couldn't make heads or tails of what the teachers in the area were doing at the time. I remember looking at Piper's classes, and checking out Latifa's site, and wondering how I could ever take a class with a roomful of strangers, doing something that involved me moving and other people looking at my body. I felt stuck.

Then, in late 2003, my friend Sara Sathya (who I met through ding0, see it's all his fault!) told me she was going to start offering tribal bellydance classes in Baltimore. She'd had ATS/tribal instruction before, and, tired of waiting for a teacher to appear in Baltimore, decided to start a beginner level class. For Christmas that year, ding0 gave me pink hip scarf and my first session of classes that started in January.

I took that hipscarf (it was a little small, I soon replaced it with a red one with tassel trim I knit) to my first class, and I wore a black t-shirt and black elastic waisted pajama pants, and socks, because I hated to be barefoot. I remember learning my ATS posture and Hug A Big Tree/basic arm position, the taqsim and maya (out-and-up and over-and-out horizontal hip figure eights), and the Turkish/Turkish Shimmy. I could barely stand to look at myself in the mirror. Instead, I focused on the music, which I really liked (including selections from Arabian Travels I and II, which became my first dance music purchases), on how good it felt to move, on how though I knew I wasn't doing everything exactly right I felt as if this was something I would be able to understand one day, on the other students who were also working hard to understand the movements. It was one of the hardest hours of learning I have ever had, and also one of the easiest.

That night I went home and blathered to ding0 about class and showed him what I learned. And the next week, I went back and I practiced those moves and I learned some new ones, and I've been going back, to class or practice, ever since. This week it's been three years since my first belly dance class. Next week I'll go to practice on Monday, I'll listen to the music, I'll look at myself in the mirror, I'll watch the women I am dancing with, I'll practice something I know and I'll learn something new.

Setting the tone

I had wanted to set the tone for the year by doing a little sewing today. Too many projects are languishing in my office, too many yards of fabric are sitting in the "this will make a great . . . . " pile. Well, no sewing today, but I did at least get some junk cleared out and some items organized. Some things that are hanging around and projects I'm thinking of:

* finish the damn yoked and pleated pantaloons, make a note of modifications for the next pair
* cut and finish the piece of green cotton fabric for a head wrap
* continue to rework the Banjara choli that I took apart
* slit the seam on the Banjara skirt, reinforce where the ties go if needed, add new ties


* yards of burgundy cotton gauze - divvy up among troupe, what to do with my piece
* head dress: need to make a head dress (and work on putting hairstyles together)
* new bra: make a lighter halter style mirror bra
* buy choli pattern and start altering it to fit me
* belts: start embellishing/cutting and reworking two "scrap" belts
* napkin belt: figure out how to use napkin as belt base. Fringe?
* dyeing: when can I add fabric dyeing to my list of hobbies

Dance Goals, Version 2.00.7

I thought I'd hop on the bandwagon and post my list. Actually, what I really need to do it print it out in some huge font size and pin it to several walls and major appliances in my house so I see it ALL THE TIME.

In no particular order:

* start logging my time spent on dance related interweb sites and match that with practice time
* head to the gym, hopefully the iPod helps
* get back into a regular class
* schedule a few private lessons with dancers I like, this may involve some travel
* go to Asheville, NC to visit and take some classes with Lisa Z. and her troupe
* save up for FCBD General Skills Certification, because if I do teach I want to be sure of what I'm doing
* attack my potential costuming pile, look for new inspiration
* home study with video, i.e. dissect performances/instruction for moves, ideas, inspiration
* expand my music collection, try to be adventurous
* increase my ability and confidence in solo work
* learn to turn off my hyperactive inner critic while dancing and just get into it!

Sari!

I saw this link today, and wanted to make sure I didn't lose it:

http://www.sarisafari.com/

Oh my, the fabric lover in me is going a little crazy.

The practice is the dance

A dance friend of mine recently linked to a Unitarian Universalist Church of Berkeley sermon where dance is used as a metaphor for life and for the keeping of clear and focused intention in both spiritual practice and day to day matters. It was a good thing for me to read right now, when I find my self separated and distracted from what I truly intend to do for my dancing and myself.


We get up. We take some steps. We fall down. We get up. We take some steps.
Practice is it. The practice is the dance.
There’s no big performance we’re gearing up for-only our lives.
This is it. This is the dance.

Dance gifts!

Yay! I got a hoop that ding0 made for me, and a slick black iPod (he had one of his refurbished). I had been thinking about an iPod, but knew he couldn't afford one and I wasn't willing to spend the money on it (yet). I'm excited about pairing the two gifts - hoop practice in the park with my iPod on. Who needs the gym! (oh, I do, right)

Merry Giftmas!

I admit, I'm into Christmas for the presents. And the traditions, the comforting rituals that happen every year. My family has always had generous (not necessarily elaborate) Christmas celebrations. OK, I'm spoiled. I admit it. And Christmas is the perfect time to ask for the dance related things I've been checking out that I'd like to get myself, but haven't yet managed to get my grubby little paws on.

Here's what went onto my wish list:
* Short Sleeved Drop Shoulder Choli
* Fluffy skirt black or white, Jaipur skirt in just about any color
* Carolena's Art of Bellydance set
* A hoop
* A piggy bank**

Things that crossed my mind, but I know there's a limit:
* The rest of the FCBD video catalog that I don't already have
* More zills!
* Yoga classes
* Personal trainer sessions
* NW Circus Supply Fire Fans which are also on eBay as Haycox Enterprises Fire Fans, or fire fingers (via my SO)
* And then there's my Amazon list

And what I'd really really dream of having?
* Time time and money to go to Asheville, NC to study with my old teacher and her troupe
* The time and money to do FCBD's General Skills Certification program


** Seriously. I want to start saving change and bits of cash to put towards my dance training. There's something very satisfying about dropping the money into the pig, then emptying it out later and putting that money in the bank.

Why You Should Be Dancing

I've had these posts linked through my LJ for awhile, but I think they can always be reread:

Eleven Reasons You Need To Be Bellydancing Right Now

Part I
Part II

A headstart on resolutions*

So, in an attempt to get a headstart on resolutions*, I am trying to get this blog set up. I already have a personal journal; this one is more for dance items. Some things will be boring; training goals and notes to myself. Some may not be to people's tastes; my personal opinions of things in the bellydance world. Mainly this is a space for me to keep myself organized, and you are invited to follow along.

*resolutions can also be seen in the more practical light of "plans to get off my ass and do more with my time/less time spent online and more spent practicing"

Just to get something up here

Since I've had a blogger log in for, oh, two years now, I thought I might as well set something up. Not sure it'll last, but we'll see.